Hollie’s story: from backstreet cannabis to safe, legal, effective treatment with Releaf

Can you start by telling us a bit more about yourself and your health journey?

I’m Hollie, I live in Surrey, and I’m a coordinator at a water treatment company. I looked into Releaf because I saw an advert on TV. I used to self-medicate with cannabis, but I was sick of the stress and stigma that goes along with that, and I was just trying to find a legal treatment avenue.

I suffer with quite severe chronic pain thanks to a disc in my lower spine that snapped in half and went behind my vertebrae. I had to have quite a large surgery - this was in October 2020. I had one emergency surgery that weekend, but then I found out they hadn’t actually removed the mass or the lump, so I had to have another surgery the next day. 

I had 17 hours of surgery in one weekend, and I’ve now been left with permanent nerve damage. My left leg doesn’t respond when I need it to. I wear a leg brace on my left leg, and I also use a crutch to get around quite a lot - my mobility is very affected by the spinal issues I’ve had.

Since then, I’ve tried various kinds of pain relief. I've been prescribed a lot of strong opioids, and I don’t really want to increase what I already take. I’ve recently been told there’s now a further issue higher up my spine, one in my neck, so I’ve got two prolapsed discs, and I’m actually having surgery for that this weekend. 

Day to day, I have chronic pain all the time, and I can’t function or hold down a full-time job if I’m expected to take the amount of legal drugs I’ve been prescribed. They fry my brain. Trying to concentrate, do a job, respond to a client, it’s very hard when you’re taking 1200 milligrams of gabapentin three times a day. I struggle to spell my name, let alone get back to someone and give them an appropriate answer. 

I’m just trying to find a balance, somewhere I can function how I see fit, how I see normal. I try to take my pills later in the day because they affect me quite dramatically once I’ve taken them. 

I also get spasms in my left leg. It sounds odd, but it feels like it’s deep in the bone, so I can’t get to it. It’s like having a really bad itch you just can’t reach. The back of my leg is numb, so I can’t feel it. It doesn’t matter how much I itch it or dig at it or even put pins in it, I still can’t feel it and it gets really frustrating. I needed something to help calm that side of it, which the pills do, but they also affect my concentration severely.

So for me, it’s much easier to have an alternative during the day, even while I’m working. And that’s when I first saw the advert for Releaf.

Did the Releaf advert change how you thought about eligibility for medical cannabis?

I did know it was legal, but I didn’t think I’d be eligible because I didn’t see chronic pain as something it was prescribed for. After reading everything on your website, I realised it was only issued through the NHS for three specific health issues, whereas private cannabis clinics like Releaf can legally prescribe it for a lot more conditions.

Was it strange going from buying cannabis on the backstreet to sitting down with a doctor and having a conversation with a specialist about it?

Yeah, very.

I was so used to doing it on the backstreet, so to actually sit down, talk to someone, and have them do something about it, and then it turns up in the post, it was just: wow. 

I had the initial consultation, then one again at the three-month point. To be honest, because I’m used to the effects and know what it does to me, I don’t feel I need a call unless something dramatic happens in the meantime. 

But generally, it’s been fine. And now I’m on the Releaf+ program, I know I can get a consultation easily when I need one, and it’s taken so much stress away from doing it illegally. 

What’s surprised you most about switching to a legal prescription with Releaf?

Honestly, just the ease of it. I never thought it would be this easy. 

Even just getting it delivered. That part takes all the stress away. No more worrying about finding someone who has it or feeling anxious when you’re driving back with it. 

Now I plan week to week, I know when it’s dispatched, when it’ll arrive, and if my mum’s in to sign for it. I don’t have to drive 45 minutes or feel scared bringing it home. It just shows up. That part alone makes a massive difference.

It removes the stigma and makes life easier.

How does having legal, doctor-prescribed cannabis change the experience for you?

I personally like it more. I’ve noticed a difference with your flower compared to what I used before. I don’t know if it’s relief or calm or both, but it settles me. It’s not the kind of feeling where you can’t do anything, it just levels you out. I can still go about my day. It doesn’t stop me from going places or doing things. It just helps me have an easier time day to day.

It’s controlled, it’s managed by a doctor, and it’s grown by professionals in a controlled environment who control the level of THC that goes into it. It’s clean. If I buy it off the backstreet, I might get hairs and stuff in it. You don’t get that with this. It’s clean, it’s fresh. 

I think it’s a great program because it’s easier, and I don’t feel the same level of stigma attached to it. For instance, I went out a couple of weeks ago for my birthday and went into central London. After a couple of hours, I started getting quite a bit of pain. So I brought my vape. I was walking around London and no one even looked at me. 

You smell cannabis everywhere in London anyway, but just knowing that I am legally prescribed takes away that awkward feeling. Since I was using my vape, people don’t assume it’s coming from me, even if they do smell it. It just makes things feel so much easier. I really do think it’s a great idea.

What’s been the biggest change for you since switching from street to prescribed cannabis?

Honestly, the stigma. That’s the biggest change. I don’t feel like there’s as much stigma attached to it now that I’m doing it this way. For example, I had a neighbour who complained about the smell coming over the fence. He’s been there four and a half years, but only just decided to say something.

That was one of the factors that made me decide to go down the legal route. I kept going back and forth, trying to work out if it was really what I thought it was. I had to book a consultation just to find out, and it turned out to be exactly what I was looking for. 

It means I can do it in a way that doesn’t upset people. Yeah, it still smells, but not as strong, and it doesn’t travel as far. It’s a bit more discreet.

Have you got a consistent dosing routine for medical cannabis? 

I take a small few puffs of my vape in the morning, just to get me going. 

I try not to take any tablets until at least lunchtime, after I’ve eaten. They’re quite strong, and if I take them on an empty stomach, they can send me sideways. I can’t concentrate, can’t hold a conversation. 

I usually go home at lunch, have another small vape dose, then go back to work. After work, I’ll take my tablets depending on my pain level. Sometimes between lunchtime and when I get home, I’ll need to take my pills, but I try not to during the day. I always keep an extra dose in my bag. If I don’t, I risk seizures (thanks to the side effects of gabapentin), which wasn’t a problem before, but it is now. I just have to stay on top of it.

Then at home after work, I’ll have another vape. I’d say I probably use it four to six times a day. Some days, I might have two vapes back to back, just because I’ve had a stressful and painful day. It helps me unwind, along with quietening the pain. 

That’s the only thing I’ve had to adjust to. Smoking a joint is quite different to vaping. You’ve got this three-minute window where you vape, and that’s it. You can’t keep going back to it like you used to with a joint. So I’ve had to get used to that difference, but it didn't take long, and I understand why it is prescribed to be vaped and not smoked. 

When you’re managing symptoms like nerve pain or concentration issues, how does cannabis fit in compared to your regular prescriptions?

It really helps me concentrate. A few weeks ago, my partner said, “I can’t believe you use it before going into work”. And I said, for me, it helps. 

I use it in the morning, I get to work, I turn on the computer, and I’m just focused. I know what I need to do. It helps me stick to a task and get it done. If I haven’t used it, I’m all over the place. I start one thing, then another, and don’t finish either. This helps me concentrate on the task at hand.

I think unless you’ve lived with chronic pain, you don’t realise how distracting it is. You can go in with a plan, but then your symptoms flare and everything shifts. Even just managing the pain gives me more mental space to focus or feel motivated.

Just last Thursday, I had a bad migraine from my neck issues. I couldn’t concentrate at work so I went home. I had a couple of puffs on my vape and it helped me relax and recharge. Without that, I’d be pacing around trying to find something to do. 

Do you keep your Releaf Medical Cannabis Card with you when you’re out with your medication?

I carry it, but I haven't had to use it yet. 

My cousin’s a policeman and I showed it to him. He’d never seen one. He said he didn’t really understand how it works, so I explained it. He said, “oh, I didn’t know they had something like that”. I don’t know how widely known it is in the police, but I haven’t been questioned. 

It just gives me a bit of reassurance to have it there as a safety net.

If it’s controlled, and you’ve got someone to help you, and someone to talk to, and you can speak to a doctor or consultant if you need to, then that takes the illegal edge away from it. 

I feel like I’m just taking one of my medical drugs now, not doing something illegal. And I don’t actually care. I’ve got a doctor’s approval, I’ve got a prescription, so leave me alone. I’m just doing my thing.

With the surgery coming up, do you see cannabis still playing a role in your recovery, or is it more about the long-term management?

I am staying in the hospital, but I’m not sure for how long. It could be two days, could be a week.

I don’t think I’ll take it with me. One, because I’m going to a private hospital. Two, the surgery means I’ll be on really strong pain meds like morphine. I’ll probably be bed bound for three days, so I won’t need it. 

And to be honest, even though I’d love to say it’d be fine and that all the stigma has disappeared, I think some people might look down their nose at it. Doesn’t matter where you are, that stigma is still there. Even if people say they’re open-minded, it only takes one person.

For someone who’s unsure if medical cannabis is worth trying, what would you say?

Try it. Don’t say no. The best thing you can do is give it a go. If you don’t try, then you don’t know. 

The thing I found around the second month was just how many different types you can get. When you buy it off the backstreet, you get one option. Take it or leave it. 

With this, you can choose by strength, or even by how it affects you. I bought one I didn’t like, but I didn’t know that until it arrived. So the next day I got a different one, one I’d used before and liked. 

It’s trial and error. It’s about finding what suits you. Because I’ve done it before, I know the kind of taste and effect I expect. It’s nice to have that variety, and to be able to go back and ask for help or a recommendation if you need it.

It’s definitely good to have variety. If there were only two options, that probably wouldn’t work for most patients. It might even make me think about going back to the illegal route, to find something that helps. It’s part of it, having choice. 

Being able to mix it up and find something that works for you makes a big difference.

If you would like to learn more about medical cannabis treatment options for the conditions mentioned in this Patient Story, please see medical cannabis for chronic pain.