Tory’s story: From policing to finding myself again with medical cannabis

Can you tell us a bit more about your health journey?

Certainly. So, my story is a mental health story. 

I'm a long-serving police officer, I had a 20 year career in policing when the first signs of mental health really started to show themselves as I was going through a divorce. It really was a horrible experience and it almost broke me. I went to the doctor for some support because I just could not stop crying. The doctor gave me the usual kind of pharmaceuticals and hoped to get me a therapist at some point to try and help.
 
I'd never faced anything like that before so, it was really really challenging. I came through the other side and came off of my anti-depressants - I did not like how they made me feel at all. I felt so numb, and I was just really grateful not to be on them anymore. 

I felt life had a bit more color without them. Yes, the feelings were hard, but I'd rather have had support with the feelings than them numbed out. I didn't like that at all. It also made my job harder. People rely on the ability to connect with you, and if you can't feel yourself and you can't feel them, it makes the job a lot harder. 

Wind the clock forward about 10 years. I'm remarried. I have another beautiful son who at age three is diagnosed with autism. I was managing that, a full-time career investigating, and at the same time, my father-in-law has chronic scoliosis of the spine (a triple curvature) and he lives in chronic pain. 

He'd been on a series of medications and fentanyl patches for about a decade. He couldn't get out of bed and it was just awful. It was his wife begging us to do something - she’s been observing this every day, and was begging us to do something even if it broke the law. He needed something. 

Is this the reason you started to look into the medicinal side of cannabis?

Sort of. As a police officer, I'd never had a problem with anybody using cannabis…I've never had a violent, aggressive, unpleasant experience with somebody using cannabis. So I started to ask questions. 

I picked up a course from a company who were initially talking about cannabis supporting ADHD and neurodivergence and I thought this keeps coming up, so I'm just going to explore it, and I took a course with them about the fundamentals of understanding cannabis. It completely changed my view…

I passed my course with cannabis fundamentals, and I continued reading about cannabis because I was looking at it for the future for my son, as well as for my father-in-law. We managed to secure a prescription for my father-in-law, which helped him reach a new level of life for him. 

He came off a number of medications, including the fentanyl patches, and he was just using quite a high dose of the flower and the oil. He said the fundamental difference for him was that he could feel the pain in the background. At the same time, my mental health was taking a crack again….

I was in conflict with the education system and how it worked with my son with autism. It's been a journey, now I home educate him, and so I need to be on my game. I need to be able to feel him; I need to be able to be calm and patient with his needs. It affects my sleep too because I'm anxious, I worry because we're doing something different. 

So, I approached Releaf and said “I'm really struggling right now, I could really use some help but I don't want to go back on anti-depressants - I've been there twice.” I don't like the feeling of being so detached from myself. I feel I can't give things the response they need. I just can't feel them -  I felt like a zombie to be honest with you. 

So I decided to try this, and it's working like a charm.

What made you choose Releaf?

You were the first company that came up when I researched, I looked at what you needed from me and I didn't feel in anything that you wrote that there would be any unpleasant judgment or anything…

I wanted to make a choice of what medication I try. I was open to trying it and thought, ‘if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But I really need to do something rather than go back to where I've been that's not working for me. I don't have the answer to why I'm so anxious, but blocking it is not helping me. I need to find a way through it. ‘

I love the online ability. It's so easy, it's seamless, and it fits into my life perfectly. My prescription is available when I need it and I don't need it as often as we thought at the very beginning. My dose is really very low, and I have 30 ML allowance, so my medicine is lasting me quite some time. 

I love the freedom it gives me. It's not ‘take this every day at this time’. It’s like ‘find your way, find your dose, titrate gently’ -  I love that. I love that so much. Rather than ‘take one of these, three times a day’ - whether you need it or not, it must be in your system. This isn’t like that.

I've had an amazing day, and there have been several of late, and I didn't have to take the oil. I go to bed, I sleep like a log beautifully. I get up refreshed in the morning and I carry on. But if it's been a rough one, it's there for me, and it's right there in the safe. I can just access it and go, I need to sleep tonight….

I get to make that choice and that's really powerful. It's really empowering.

How have things been going with your treatment plan so far?

The oil really helps. It's very low dose, but I do notice the effects. The sleep, the rest, the calm, and the ability just to hold space for my sons wherever they are at that point, that's a gift, and I'm really grateful for it…

I'm also not enjoying the whole menopause experience - it has been quite challenging. But the brain fog, that's starting to clear, and cacao's been helping me with that, I just add my oil as well in a very low dose, and I am golden. I am back to myself thinking ‘we can manage this whole thing now’. 

It’s a very unpredictable cycle, so it’s hard for women, we struggle with this quite a lot, but yes, I get relief from brain fog, the night sweats, those horrible hot and cold flushes during the day, and the feeling of just heavy ‘uggh’ -  that's gone…

It's genuinely wonderful. I'm so grateful to feel like me again. I haven't felt like me for about a year before I came here. I didn’t know if this was a good idea or not, but I'm so glad I made the call.

Did you know that medical cannabis can also be used to treat symptoms of menopause?

It was a surprise. I'd not read anything about cannabis and menopause - I've read plenty about supporting anxiety, but not specifically around menopause.

I thought, well, this is actually quite wonderful. Now, I combine it with cacao and I think they complement each other rather beautifully. It's certainly helping my body feel like my body again, and not like some foreign alien thing I'm occupying for a short period of time.

I think between the two combined with meditation and mindfulness, I have found this ability to just detach, to just take one step back and take a look at the bigger picture and slowing down to choosing my response. It's so important, I think, when you have autism in the house that you are mindful of the response that you give…
 
I can see that my son has moved on in leaps and bounds. That is enabling me to go back into the workplace very, very gradually. I'm going into a completely different type of work where I'm working with young adults with autism who need support with life skills and everything else…

It’s wonderful to hear you’ve been able to return to work. Can you tell us more about your journey with this please?

It's created a new career path for me because I have the patience and the confidence. I’ve been able to reenter the workplace and say ‘I'm here again and I can contribute again’, and I feel like I'm in a position where I can manage.

Before, I was feeling so overwhelmed that I was struggling in my own home, so how on earth could I think about re-entering the workplace? No matter how much you think you might like to, if it's falling apart at home, let's face it, work is just not your top priority….

I believe it takes a little bit of give and take and a little bit of compassion. Sometimes you just need to step back for a little bit. That doesn't mean step away forever. I will be a support worker for people with autism, which is wonderful. I'm really looking forward to that, and the clue is in the title: it's support. I want to be a support.

I was a police officer for 20 years. Towards the end of my career, I was working in serious and complex fraud, and I loved it. I moved from police investigation because I needed to be at home more, but I couldn't get any flexibility in the workplace. The home education journey started five years ago, so I've taken a five-year break, which has been awesome….

I also wrote a book about the difficulties we have with autism, and I kind of gently mentioned how the support doesn't happen, and I have a very small business of my own now called Gemini directions, where we hold space for autism parents that are struggling… They drop in if they need it. They don't if they don't. It's a completely free resource. 

It's a safe space to go ‘this is happening for us right now’ and they can ask other parents, ‘has anybody else dealt with this? Has anybody got any insight? Has anybody got a step back from this where they can help me move forward?’ That's what we use it for - it's parents helping parents. We'd love it when they get older, if it could be kids helping kids. 

And finally, is there anything else you’d like to touch on that we’ve not covered?

I'm in a really good space. I'm very happy. I wouldn't say I was a person that always struggled with anxiety,  just literally life events that come crashing in like that… And this is where it helps me… 

But I really do think as a society we've got this horribly wrong. I keep seeing people going to prison for trying to be well. Why are we leaving cannabis on the misuse of drugs list? It's a simple thing to take it off. We remove cannabis from the drugs list, take it off, put it in the hands of medical professionals, allow people access, teach them, educate them, and help them be in the right relationship with it and what that looks like….

I don't think it's because people don't want to, I just think they're so stuck on what we've been told, they haven't thought to question it. It's okay to ask questions, I just think maybe we have a system that discourages it. 

But you can access it lawfully, and I absolutely love it. I’m a big advocate, and I think it's excellent.

For more information about medical cannabis treatments for the conditions mentioned in this Patient Story, please see medical cannabis for anxiety.